You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just googled if crying burns calories
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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