I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
