I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize