In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
