I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
