I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I think my vagina is haunted
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
And then he peed in my hair
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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