I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Randomize
