the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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