Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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