Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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