I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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