we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
