i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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