The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
are you so shy because you have an std?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
