Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
