I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
