I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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