Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
