WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
