she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
