Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
where are you?
Hypothermia
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize