She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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