It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
