No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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