Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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