dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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