I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
