Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
