i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
