Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
