Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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