Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
