when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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