i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
