We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
