You can't motorboat a personality
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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