Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
