I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Girls should come with a carfax report
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
