i just had sex bonerless
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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