i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
