You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
