remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
