dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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