Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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