I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
