my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
