Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
