i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
