you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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