Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
