So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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