i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
