Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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