I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
