upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
