Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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