then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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