im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You are the jesus of drinking
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
