I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
