Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i just google imaged poop.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
