don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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