I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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