census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Help. Why am I so naked?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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