I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize