lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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