So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
